Daylight

[SymbolicPoetry]

Sooo... I'm posting the link to my story here. It's a bit shaky still, but the general premise is that superhumans are beginning to crop up, and in response, a virus is created to eradicate them. Instead, it nearly wipes out the female species. The story follows six superhumans, five of which are male, and one female named Daylight.

So... constructive pieces are appreciated. And I may ask for help if anyone IS reading it.

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2562012/1/Daylight

[Vman]

Just finished reading the introduction and the chapters, it's really good so far and an interesting tak on the whole super hero thing. There are one or tow name slips but other than that nothign big.

I'm really curious about Richard's power for some reason.

On equick suggestion, for the intro maybe include more cultures superhumans? And rather than the greek/roman gods maybe mention more of their mortal heroes who are attributed with superhuman characteristics?

[SymbolicPoetry]

Just finished reading the introduction and the chapters, it's really good so far and an interesting tak on the whole super hero thing. There are one or tow name slips but other than that nothign big.

I'm really curious about Richard's power for some reason.

On equick suggestion, for the intro maybe include more cultures superhumans? And rather than the greek/roman gods maybe mention more of their mortal heroes who are attributed with superhuman characteristics?

Haha, Richard is going to be a fun one. I actually plan on doing individual backstories for each, once things get underway, but how to lead into that is one problem.

And yea, I really do need to mention more cultures. Did you mean like, bringing up Hercules or something? That's a good idea.

[Vman]

Just finished reading the introduction and the chapters, it's really good so far and an interesting tak on the whole super hero thing. There are one or tow name slips but other than that nothign big.

I'm really curious about Richard's power for some reason.

On equick suggestion, for the intro maybe include more cultures superhumans? And rather than the greek/roman gods maybe mention more of their mortal heroes who are attributed with superhuman characteristics?

Haha, Richard is going to be a fun one. I actually plan on doing individual backstories for each, once things get underway, but how to lead into that is one problem.

And yea, I really do need to mention more cultures. Did you mean like, bringing up Hercules or something? That's a good idea.

Well with Richard I was just wondering what's he shooting with haha?

Hercules would be a good choice but there are so many heroes in greek legends you could pulls something that people haven't heard of as many times, Attilanta for example or Achilles. Maybe some Norse gods or Cuchullan might be good ideas for other cultures too.

[SymbolicPoetry]

Just finished reading the introduction and the chapters, it's really good so far and an interesting tak on the whole super hero thing. There are one or tow name slips but other than that nothign big.

I'm really curious about Richard's power for some reason.

On equick suggestion, for the intro maybe include more cultures superhumans? And rather than the greek/roman gods maybe mention more of their mortal heroes who are attributed with superhuman characteristics?

Haha, Richard is going to be a fun one. I actually plan on doing individual backstories for each, once things get underway, but how to lead into that is one problem.

And yea, I really do need to mention more cultures. Did you mean like, bringing up Hercules or something? That's a good idea.

Well with Richard I was just wondering what's he shooting with haha?

Hercules would be a good choice but there are so many heroes in greek legends you could pulls something that people haven't heard of as many times, Attilanta for example or Achilles. Maybe some Norse gods or Cuchullan might be good ideas for other cultures too.

Oh, I was pondering through how to make that work just now actually (working on the next chapter as we speak... er, type). I'm thinking it has to do with how he processes food or something, that his body can manipulate it into what he needs. Makes him an EATING MACHINE xD

[Vman]

Just finished reading the introduction and the chapters, it's really good so far and an interesting tak on the whole super hero thing. There are one or tow name slips but other than that nothign big.

I'm really curious about Richard's power for some reason.

On equick suggestion, for the intro maybe include more cultures superhumans? And rather than the greek/roman gods maybe mention more of their mortal heroes who are attributed with superhuman characteristics?

Haha, Richard is going to be a fun one. I actually plan on doing individual backstories for each, once things get underway, but how to lead into that is one problem.

And yea, I really do need to mention more cultures. Did you mean like, bringing up Hercules or something? That's a good idea.

Well with Richard I was just wondering what's he shooting with haha?

Hercules would be a good choice but there are so many heroes in greek legends you could pulls something that people haven't heard of as many times, Attilanta for example or Achilles. Maybe some Norse gods or Cuchullan might be good ideas for other cultures too.

Oh, I was pondering through how to make that work just now actually (working on the next chapter as we speak... er, type). I'm thinking it has to do with how he processes food or something, that his body can manipulate it into what he needs. Makes him an EATING MACHINE xD

Well there's a character from Marvel named Random who turns his arm into this triple barrelled organic gun that fires plasma his body makes, maybe Richards body converts minerals from his body and food into hard projectiles?

[SymbolicPoetry]

Hm... even better idea.

I shall use it! :3 Thank you!

[Vman]

You're welcome, glad to be of service.

[SymbolicPoetry]

So I've finally got up the next chapter.

My hope for what's happening next (this is a spoiler, if anyone cares xDDD )





What I want to happen is that the boys arrive to pick up Day, and get in a fight. Daylight is all "NO DO NOT WANT" and they're all "U NEED US D: ". Naturally. After that, there's a surprise inspection, and suspecting supers being hidden, a super is used by Leroy. He emits a pheromone to make fear rise in anyone around, and Daylight ends up inhaling it. She freaks out, starts to power up, the boys jump out and save her, and end up getting kidnapped instead of Day. She's convinced by Jacob (guy she's staying with) to let them go and find them later, as he knows the compound well. She agrees, and waits to strike later. I wouldn't wanna screw with an angry woman with powers D:

SO far that's what I've got. I want an epic fight scene, so I'm thinking I might give Leroy some powers that he doesn't let anyone know he has. Something big. We'll see.

[Vman]

I really like how you set up Zach int the latest chapter, the guy with the pratical but slightly less cool power is always understimated.

Just a couple quick ideas. The inhibtor collars arew a good diea, they've been used before but there' still room to be original with them so I like it. If I could make one suggestion don't have them just shut off people's powers. Everytime I've seen that done in the past it seemed kind of odd. I mean a vast array of different powers revovling around vastly differnt physioloigy seems like a bad plot device. Now something that dopes up the part of your brain that lets you focus well enough to use your powers dangerously, well that's a lot simpler. Make it like trying to swim in mud, one person might be able to strugle through and another might just sink in deeper and deeper.

Leroy seems like an interestign character, I'd say leave him sans power. It's always scarier to have a regular guy whose just extremly driven and can handle himself dealing with super humans. I think he'll be alright.

Keep up the good work.