Cold Coals

[Jinto]

Cold Coals

The barren trees hung still,
In the silence of the moment,
As we stood there,
The hustle and bustle of the city going by,
But here, all was quiet and motionless.
My mind is racing.

As the wind blew past,
Swirling the falling snow,
She began to explain,
What I already knew was about to happen,
And the flakes danced gracefully,
Landed on us, and melted away.

She's speaking slowly,
Searching for the right words,
The wind dies,
And the snow falls in lines,
My finger to her lips,
Silences her thoughts.

For a moment we stand,
Together hand in hand,
The wind picks up again,
Swirling the falling snow.
My thoughts are still,
Frozen and shattered.

I don’t know what I should do,
Be angry, sad or unmoved?
She begins to step away,
Our hands hold, then separate.
Here and there snow falls on us,
And now it does not melt.

[Jinto]

For all those thread views and not one comment?  Not even a "Your writing sucks!"?   

[moody]

That bitch wasn't good enough for him anyway.

[penemue]

You know, it really isn't that bad. It's definitely a step up from most poetry one comes across in forums - what with its forced rhyme and false depth (not referring to this piece).

I think I have an inherent distaste for most new poetry I read. More often than not, there is a complete disregard for the methods and discipline that really made poetry beautiful in the beginning. Well-written poetry should present a mastery of language and verse and craft and method; but anymore, so long as you use pretty words, some sort of rhyme or seem 'deep', you can call it poetry.

Take Haiku for example - an extremely disciplined form of Japanese poetry which traditionally consists of a pattern of 5, 7 and 5 on or 'sounds' or 'mora'; it typically dealt with nature and man's place in nature, and would almost always include some reference to the season. Contemporary English haiku is taught and written as following a pattern of 5, 7, and 5 syllables, and more or less any subject is okay.

I suppose that whether or not that's a bad thing is debatable, but I definitely feel that most modern poetry is lacking horrible in comparison to its predecessors. For me, emotion just isn't enough. There should be a method to your madness, so to speak; practice, don't be afraid to take your time with your poetry and really maintain control over your work.