Joke to Go

[Cybertimber2005]

I know its not Batman... but hey I tired

Two guys are sitting in a bar on the top floor of a high building. The first guy says to the second: "When you jump of this floor, you'll generate so much turbulence, that by the time you're at the 5th floor, you'll just float to the sidewalk." The second guys laughs, but the first is persistant. He even jumps, falls untill the 5th floor, and then just floats down. He comes back up, but the second guy still doesn't trust it, so the first guy does it again. The same thing happens. The second guy really wants to do it to, so he jumps out the windows, falls to the 5th floor, keeps falling, and *SPLATTERS* all over the sidewalk. The bartender on the top floor looks out the window and says to the first guy: "You know, you can be a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."

[Tanshin]

Um... geez.

I really don't have a conventional response to that.

[TheMightyBoosh]

Heh, heard it... it's great.

There another joke about when superman need to indulge his manliness, but i'm not sure if its okay to say on here...

[scrunchymatic]

this is in the wrong section 

[Hellmark]

Moving it to a more fitting forum,.

[TheMightyBoosh]

Didn't know you could do that... cool.

Here now, is the lamest joke ever.

What is pink and fluffy?           Pink fluff.

[d31m0z]

This guy went into a bar somewhere in Scotland and sat down next to this big, red haired scotsman. After a few pints, the somewhat drunken scot says "ya see that wall over there? I build that wall with my own two hands. But do they call me Angus the wall builder? NO! No they don't" Some more time passes, and some more pints go the way pints go in Scottish bars. Then suddenly, the scot mutters angrily "an' this bar yer in?! Ah built it too. With mah sweat and blood. But do they call me Angus the Bar Builder? Oooooooh no.... 'Course not." Most of the bar has by now switched over to something a bit ... more than the common lager. And as we all know, Highland whisky makes one say more'n one should. And the Scotsman exlaims "But fuck one sheep!"

[TheMightyBoosh]

A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years.
One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.
Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."
Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.
Man: "Thank you so much!"
Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
Girl (starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"
Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too...!"

[ArtisticMystic]

I know its not Batman... but hey I tired

Two guys are sitting in a bar on the top floor of a high building. The first guy says to the second: "When you jump of this floor, you'll generate so much turbulence, that by the time you're at the 5th floor, you'll just float to the sidewalk." The second guys laughs, but the first is persistant. He even jumps, falls untill the 5th floor, and then just floats down. He comes back up, but the second guy still doesn't trust it, so the first guy does it again. The same thing happens. The second guy really wants to do it to, so he jumps out the windows, falls to the 5th floor, keeps falling, and *SPLATTERS* all over the sidewalk. The bartender on the top floor looks out the window and says to the first guy: "You know, you can be a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."

LOL This was funny...

[sentinel75]

A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years.
One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.
Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."
Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.
Man: "Thank you so much!"
Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
Girl (starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"
Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too...!"

Reminds me of the hilarious 'Bedroom golf' joke...

[Gabriel006]

This guy went into a bar somewhere in Scotland and sat down next to this big, red haired scotsman. After a few pints, the somewhat drunken scot says "ya see that wall over there? I build that wall with my own two hands. But do they call me Angus the wall builder? NO! No they don't" Some more time passes, and some more pints go the way pints go in Scottish bars. Then suddenly, the scot mutters angrily "an' this bar yer in?! Ah built it too. With mah sweat and blood. But do they call me Angus the Bar Builder? Oooooooh no.... 'Course not." Most of the bar has by now switched over to something a bit ... more than the common lager. And as we all know, Highland whisky makes one say more'n one should. And the Scotsman exlaims "But fuck one sheep!"

um.....i don't get it....and we should try to keep this forum in good taste (no foul language).


here's one from Mitch hedburg:
I wanna see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It would be so literal!
"You're using that machine to its exact specification! That machine has been misunderstood for years."

[Shmi]

he fucked a sheep, so he's known as the sheep fucker, despite all of his other achievements.

[TheMightyBoosh]

A nun, a rabbi, and a penguin walk into a bar, and the barman says "so, what is this, a joke?"

[Geiyu]

So a penguin takes his car to a mechanic, and the mechanic says, "I'm going to need about an hour to look at it and figure out what's wrong." So the penguin goes to seven eleven to get an ice cream, but because he's only got flippers, the poor little guy gets ice cream all over his beak. So after that, he goes back to the mechanic, and the mechanic says, "It looks like you blew a seal." and the penguin says, "Oh no, this is just a little ice cream."

[Netlatino]

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes that she is headed straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him.

Low and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?" She turns and smiles and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

Whoa! He swallows hard and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?" She flips her long hair back, turns to him, looks into his eyes, and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really", he says, swallowing hard, again. "And what myths are those?" She explains: "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed, when, in fact, it is the Native American who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average."

"Very interesting" the man responds. Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don't even know your name." The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto, Tonto Goldstein."