...

[Croda]

I really enjoyed writing this little piece a while back    However, right from the get go, I am going to say do not read this if you are offended by excessive swearing <_<  It contains a great deal.  In any case, feedback is welcomed. =P



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      Around the world©, there are scientists who are trying to build the world’s first organic computer.  “It will have amazing memory capacity, and will be able to perform the most difficult calculations at many times the speed of our current computers!”  Yada Yada Yada.  These so called scientists jabber on, not realizing that it has already been built, and it wasn’t too great a success at that.  “Oh really?”  You© might ask skeptically.  “And how do you know this?”  I know because I built it and if you don’t want me to smite you© down for blasphemy, shut up and listen.  Quite frankly, I’m sick of hearing this sort of shit from you© and if you© piss me off enough, I may actually decide to create a real flood© for you to deal with, instead of that puny forty day© one in that book about me.  Annoy me much more, and I’ll fucking just erase this entire planet© and everything on it and just start anew.  Deal with it you© stuck up little shits. 
   Now, I’ve decided to finally set a few things straight, things that got fucked up when I decided to be all fancy and use an organic computer instead of a good old fashioned one, all mechanized and shit.  I wanted to make up a simple list of what my creations© should and shouldn’t do.  “Don’t eat your young.  Don’t shit on the floor.”  That sort of thing.  I gave the computer the data, let it crunch out the numbers, and got the stuff all ready in MSWORDG©.  It was fucking taking forever to print, so while it was printing, I went off, and created a few things; the moon©, a few meteors©, Jupiter©, that sort of thing.  I came back a few millennia© later, and I found out that the fucking computer had decided that it didn’t like my wording and that so it had decided to do some ‘constructive editing’ to my short list, and had changed the fucking thing into a medamned book.
      The fucking computer had created copies of it in several different languages and was out actively spreading 'my word.'  The problem was that the translation program on the computer was broken, so there were hundreds of different copies of ‘my word’ out there, and all the different computers started arguing over who had the correct translation.  Bloody organic computers.  I knew I should have used good old fashioned mechanical ones, but noo, I decided to go with misbegotten parasitic spawn of organic computers.  I turn my back for one minute©, and the overly blood ridden organic humans© have taken over the fucking world©.
   What the hell©.  Oh yeah, sorry about that.  The dark ages are the one thing I will apologize for.  I started experimenting with a few of my own little concoctions and, well, let’s just say that I have a slightly twisted sense of humor when I’m high.  I never really meant for humans to become much of a part of the Earth©, but it happened, and short of me erasing the entire planet©, you© deranged and psychopathic fuck-heads are here to stay, so I have to make the best of things.
   But anyways, the purpose of this little memo is to set a few things straight.  For the most part, I could care less for you© fucking bastards.  Kill each other all you want pretty much do whatever you© want to each other, but stop doing it in my name.  I’m getting pretty sick of getting implicated and made complicit in your stupid little power games.  Next person© to site me as his reason for failing at life© and why he should go do some stupid shit gets smitten, and I don’t mean with love. 
   That’s rule one.  There are only two, so you© should be able to handle it.  I created this planet© because I was bored and I had hoped that it would bring me some amusement. I’d watch your efforts, and every so often I’ll throw some sort of ‘natural’ disaster© at you to see what will happen and laugh at the results.  However, I also created this planet© as a visual representation of beauty.  Now, the cracks and changes of time on its face don’t really going to bother me overly much.  It’s to be expected.  However, any major graffiti really ticks me off.  I made it, so leave it alone.  Otherwise, well, I think you© get the picture.

[Knightslugger]

fuck = 9
shit = 5
Hell = Not really a swear word, but used only once.

The Creator is pretty friggin vocal.  don't piss him off!  interesting read none the less.

[Inigo]

©?

[Knightslugger]

i'm sure it's a formatting error Inigo.

[Nicap]

i'm sure it's a formatting error Inigo.

That, or now money is now owed.

[BAMikeyD]

maybe you're only supposed to THINK it's a format error, like e e cummings or something.

[Croda]

Actually, the multitude of copyright symbols is because he invented it, so if you try to steal the invention, he's gunna sue your ass, then smite you down    Or, at least something along those lines...

[mt2cool121183]

Actually, the multitude of copyright symbols is because he invented it, so if you try to steal the invention, he's gunna sue your ass, then smite you down    Or, at least something along those lines...

i really dont see how some1 can coyright the word you just for the fact its a everyday common word maybe if it was youuu ,like in that one rap song that says yooooouu

[Croda]

it's not the word that is copyrighted.  YOU as in the physical being that is reading this post is copyrighted.

[mt2cool121183]

it's not the word that is copyrighted.  YOU as in the physical being that is reading this post is copyrighted.

lol,

[OrcishIncubus]

Okay... if you didn't figure it out...

It's narrated as God.

So, obviously You would be copyrighted because in a creationist point-of-view ... God created this world, us... etc...

But this is a smartass God.  Pretty entertaining.

[Croda]

Thanks =)  Yeah, I didn't title it because it kinda seemed overkill to mention who was doing the speaking and I couldn't think of anything to put there that wouldn't completely give it away =P

[BlueMarbles]

So is the organic computer the devil or jesus, or both? hmmm..  I had to read it twice to get the © thing, I usually just ignore stuff like that the first time through, I usually think it's a formatting error, but it was a cool idea, good story too.  You should have ©'d "dark ages" too though, since he was taking responsibility and all.

[Croda]

=)  The organic computer was supposed to represent mankind, but I suppose it could be taken to represent jesus too.

[penemue]

Entertaining concept, and the (over)use of copyright symbols is neat; probably get tiresome in a lengthier work, but in this it's fine. You should explore it further, though. If you really played with it, incorporated some details and research and succeeded in making God a viable and thorough character, you might really have something. Now, it's really just an amusing rant - "Hey, let's make God an asshole, it'll be funny!" Also, the various gospels, whether canonized or not, aren't really just lists of things you should or shouldn't do.

As well, the human brain isn't so hot at sequential operation - the sort of thing that computers can do really well. Most of the 'organic' computing advances I've really read about have had to do with storage and solid-state memory - absurd amounts of memory in a small package or things like crystal storage mediums which would more or less preserve data forever. We are trying to mimic the brain for things like facial recognition, though - and there have been proposed 'bifurcated' computer systems. If we could accomplish this without losing the sequential power, it'd definitely be ideal. Here's an excerpt from The Age of Spiritual Machines by Ray Kurzweil (Viking, 1999) that may interest you:

"The human brain has about 100 billion neurons. With an estimated average of one thousand connections between each neuron and its neighbors, we have about 100 trillion connections, each capable of a simultaneous calculation. That's rather massive parallel processing, and one key to the strength of human thinking. A profound weakness, however, is the excruciatingly slow speed of neural circuitry, only 200 calculations per second. For problems that benefit from massive parallelism, such as neural-net based pattern recognition, the human brain does a great job. For problems that require extensive sequential thinking, the human brain is only mediocre."

Also, you may want to check out "Preacher" (comic book series written by Garth Ennis and illustrated by Steve Dillon). It's brilliant, and if your short here is anything to go by, I think you'd really dig it.

As for the graffiti, I agree - damn Nazca lines.