short intro to story [need critique]

[luda]

The night was heavily silent. In the depths of the forest, the only sound that could be heard was the splatter of blood and brains, showering dead trees. A face paled. Honey golden eyes glazed over. A body collapsed. It was only a moment’s time before her ears plugged again from the pressured quiet. She needed noise.

Arynne took the gasoline and dumped it haphazardly on the child. The splashing of the gas, rustling of the matchbox, the flicking of the match, the roar of the flames, the sparking and crackling of dead leaves; she swam in the sound waves.

Peach fuzzed skin of the child’s round face fell limp towards the ground, melting away. She could see where her daughter’s eyes once rested, holes gaping in her direction. Egg shaped pits, up turned in the center, down turned on the sides, permanently pleading.

Arynne’s strength fails her, she falls onto her knees. So great was her shame that she had no voice for apology. So great was her shame that her own life and limbs were repulsed by her action. She cannot stop the repeating visual of events: her hand, her gun, her child. Her hand, her gun, her child. Her hand, her g-

The air shifted violenty. The soft crackle of flames was eaten away by the distant pounding of hooves and the beating of wings. Wildlife came in hordes from every direction, flying, gliding, jumping, crawling, slithering, walking. They came and they halted, staring in awe. Side by side stood predator and prey, surrounding Arynne and the growing pyre. A mecca of mourning beasts.

I have saved her, she tells herself, I will not mourn.

[Sorena]

One big thing I suggest is fix the paragraph where you switched to present tense.

The rest of the piece is in past tense so it's a bit of a shocker to suddenly get switched to present.

[luda]

Thanks, I didn't even notice that

[3vi1_rawr]

I felt that the second paragraph was to flowery for the gruesome act being done, I think it would be more powerful if it was described in a shorter rougher way. I also felt that the phrase "...;she swam in the sound waves." did not flow very well.

Also you my have done better to have left the end of the 4th paragraph as "her gu..."  vs "her g- it shows the continuous stream of thought.

Other than that I liked it quiet a bit and look forward to see how it grows.